Not SexInYourCity "WOOF WOOF!"

I don’t mind using my embarrassment for your amusement. As with all things in life there are the good and the bad. Yes, this is especially true with an adult dating site.

I had been messaging back and forth a couple of times with this guy. Let’s call him Jack. I didn’t meet him on Sexinyourcity but another adult dating site which shall remain nameless. Things were going well. I was looking for more of a part time lover than one night slam and bam. He was interesting, sarcastic and intelligent. Perfect for that position (and hopefully others).

I’m not big on the telephone. I really would prefer to write or meet in person rather than make awkward small talk. So we planned a date to meet for a quick drink.

We met for about 30 minutes and Jack maintained his adult dating email persona perfectly. I couldn’t wait to get into his pants. About a week later we planned a night of drinks at his house – in other words it was time to get naked.

He greeted me at the door, looking like his GQ self. He took my jacket and handed me a glass of wine. He decided to give me a tour of his place. Now here’s where things took a very bizarre turn.

We walked past all of the rooms to the one at the end of the hall. He opened the door and ushered me through. The room was empty except for a giant cage in the corner, dog bowls and a few grooming brushes on the wall.

Shit’s getting freaky. “That must be some huge dog you have.”

“I don’t have a dog.”

I looked at Jack crossing my fingers for a smile. Nope nothing. Instead I got an eyebrow raise.

You have to be kidding me.

The next 10 minutes were spent with Jack extolling the virtues of BDSM. I downed my wine. I am up for a lot of things. And I mean a lot. But slurping water from a dog bowl while being called Fido was not one of them. At least not tonight.

Hey, freakier the better. But not once in our emails or meeting did he mention this personal fetish of his. And why is he springing this on me now? If you can’t be honest on an adult dating site about your sexual proclivities then you shouldn’t be on one.

Oh yah, and if you did fail to mention it on the adult site, keep the kink hidden until your date has had time to finish at least one glass of wine.

Getting Some Adult Dating Action

So, you’ve scaled the adult dating profile wall. Your messaging charisma has charmed a woman enough to want to meet you, now just to charm those pants off her.

Let’s say you have already met, already had your first adult date. Maybe it was a quick coffee. Maybe a drunken grope in a bar. She’s coming over. Be it a hotel, your house or studio apartment furnished with your parents 60’s cast offs - there are preparations in order. No matter how much you think it’s in the bag it can all go terribly wrong.

First things first: Clean. Women see more details than men do. And they affect us, even us women from an adult dating site. So clean and when you think you’re finished, clean again. The beer your frat buddy Steve spilt that you haven’t gotten around to cleaning up? Wash it. Mutant dust bunnies so big they look like they are planning a coup? Vacuum.

Have something to offer her to drink. If you have no clue what she drinks go for bottled water, the ever popular energy drink (could also pay off) or red wine.

Turn off the TV! It’s an evil life sucking pit. Music. Music. Music.

If she actually has time to get in the door before the two of you are dry humping then offer to take her coat. Hang it up – do not toss it on the bed. It won’t be amusing to her later on to realize her coat now comes complete with love juices also tossed by you.

Condoms. Keep them handy and separated. It’s oddly not flattering to see a guy grab his condoms in one endless scroll. The girl will end up feeling like she is at the circus receiving one ticket out of the thousands that will be given out.

Members of adult dating sites often have a need for discretion. Have a fresh towel ready. She may need a quick shower before heading home. You wouldn’t want to give her the one you used to mop up Steve’s beer either.

Sexinyourcity Poll Outcome

I have to say I am more than a little surprised at the outcome of the poll. Ok, so a mere 20 people took time out of their busy Twitter schedules to vote, but it’s still masturbation by a landslide!

· Oral sex: 6
· Intercourse: 2
· Masturbation: 12

I can’t believe how many people are ready to give up their personal play date time. Either these people are getting as much slap and tickle as they can possibly stand or….Well I don’t really know what the other reason would be. …Can anyone explain this to me in terms that someone who has had dry spells could understand??

Sexinyourcity First Adult Date

Ok. I am veering off the path of ‘how to’ adult dating articles and leaning into something a little more personal. I’ve experienced adult dating moments both good and bad. There is one that sticks in my mind to this day.

If there was a king of adult dating. A Don Juan of the adult dating world. Someone who knew the ins and outs and could have me eating out of the palm of their hand. Well, I had the chance to meet him.

It was my first meeting with someone from Sexinyourcity the adult dating site. I had been perusing the site for awhile with a few interesting prospects. But I hadn’t taken a leap further than a little chatting on bored, wine induced Sunday nights.

Enter Steve. I had chatted with him a bit before. He had asked me to meet but I wasn’t that comfortable yet. Horny yes. But comfortable no.

One particular night he logged on, quickly asked about grabbing a drink or going for a walk. I hesitated. His response was pretty much, “Alright. It’s been cool getting to know you but I’m more looking for someone that is up for actually meeting in person.”

Hmmm…interesting. Did he just passive aggressively dare me?

“Public place. Martini’s. Your call where. I promise I won’t let you seduce me.”

He’s getting more interesting. Definitely a dare. Plus, my wine was worryingly low.

Now or never. The lounge and time were decided. A quick, “I’ll be in a red dress.”

We met at the lounge. As per my usual style I was there earlier. I really didn’t want to be the one walking in blind, trying to find my adult date set up. I would rather sit back and watch as someone else awkwardly looked around.

Names were exchanged. Nice adult dating specimen, I thought. He sat down across from me, leaned back and ordered a drink. Conversation was surprisingly easy. Though, that could very well have been the wine earlier.

Now for a good 20 minutes he made absolutely no sexual overtones. I can not stress how important that was. Nor did he touch me in anyway for about 15 minutes. Again, very important. The touching started slowly. A hand on the arm to make a point. Then on the knee. Then higher up on the thigh when we laughed at something.

A man and woman with a little lubrication of the alcohol sort will always fall back on talking about sex. This just happens. Of course it’s going to happen with adult dating people. Steve knew this. But instead of lunging at me like a Chihuahua in heat he let me become comfortable. There was no smell of desperation in the air as there can often be with adult dating guys. So instead of busying myself fending him off I could focus on how badly I want his good parts in my mouth.

Right. Have to keep this PG-13.
We could barely wait to leave. Frantic walk back to his place which was constantly interrupted by hands and mouths. His apartment door finally slammed behind us. And that was it.

Crazy, wild, jackrabbit – that was it.

And the moral of this adult dating story was…?

Adult Dating - Getting Started

Adult Dating Profiles

Read any posts out there about adult dating and the first thing you see is the echo of ‘girls never write to me!”

Guys, this isn’t brain surgery. And I really want to make this work for you. In theory adult dating is an amazing way to get a group of over and under sexed people together. But it seems to be in the approach where it gets all muddled.

First off – your adult dating profile. Think of it as being in a bar and a woman catches your eye. Do you want her to see someone interesting and pants droppable or do you want to seem like the creepy little lurker jacking himself off in the corner?

Let’s start with pictures. A picture says a thousand words. What words do you want to her to think of?

Keep the one eyed bandit clothed in pictures. Really. Truly. Please. Keep Mr. Winkles under wrap. Yes, it’s an adult dating site. With adult content. But when I’m going through someone’s pictures and I stumble onto a penis it’s akin to a drive-by flashing. You may as well add a comb over, black socks and trench coat and call it a day.

Keep your pictures friendly. Smiling is good. You with a group of friends is good and also shows that you aren’t completely socially inept. Any funky travel pics can be a good opener later on. Plus it looks like you have more interests than only trying to pick up on adult dating sites.

If for some reason you have a Sears portrait file it away with ‘pics of my blue veined piccolo’ and never ever speak of it again.

Ever.

After you have wowed her with your pictures it doesn’t hurt to write a little something. It does not have to be a 10 page character study on your lifelong dreams. But a paragraph or two will make you seem a little more human.

Leave the extremely pornographic for later. She gets it. She knows why you’re on an adult dating site. But dude seriously, have a little dignity. We can sniff out desperation from miles away.

Adult Dating - What I've Learned

I’ve always been a fan of the sensual. Whatever has to do with a teasing of the senses I am automatically attracted to. Especially touch.

Touch effects me more than my other senses. I think that my love of the tactile has turned me into a very sexual person. Which in turn led me to the adult dating world. I’ve run the gamut of bars to singles sites and finally to adult dating. I found the latter had more people looking for the same thing I was: A friendly acceptance of the overtly sexual.

I will admit that it was daunting when I first signed on. I looked around, payed for a membership and sat back. For women the adult dating experience can be flattering, overwhelming and scary. In the first few days on an adult dating site a woman’s inbox (no pun intended) will be flooded with message after message. At first you’re thinking, “Wow. I’m hot. Look at how many guys want ME!” Then you start weeding your way through, thinking ‘how the hell am I going to answer all of these?’ Which leads you to realize, that of the 70 messages you received you really only want to respond to one or two.

The difference between men and women and they way we approach a casual fling blew my mind. At first I was angry, ‘Who are all these nut jobs on adult dating sites?” Most of the messages I received were riddled with poor grammar, punctuation and in sms code. Most of them contained only a line or two pertaining to when exactly we would meet and what sexual activity we would be doing.

I have been called a lot of things in my life and prude has never been one of them. Yet, I was horrified at how straight forward these guys were. I don’t need to be wined and dined, that’s not why I’m on an adult dating site. But there still has to be a certain amount of wooing.

After a few more months it really hit me. Ok, not all of these guys are nut jobs. They are just approaching adult dating as men: to the point and direct.

I think for everyone to get more out of adult dating both men and women have to look at how we are approaching it. Men need to take a step back and realize that they are writing to women and a little word foreplay is needed before the actual foreplay.

Adult Dating - About Sexinyourcity

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